Carte Noire, with your advertising you have guaranteed that I will never try your coffee. Even though you included two free samples on the flyer.
And it’s not just because we have a Nespresso machine that creates a pleasing variety of coffees — long before we bought that I got into the habit of the first drink of the day being a mug of instant coffee. So my first reaction was along the lines of “oh, a different coffee to try”. But then I read the blurb. “Immerse yourself in a world of seduction with Dominic West, star of The Wire, as your host. Visit www.cartenoire.co.uk and he’ll read love scenes to you from a mix of classic, modern and emerging novels.” Pass me the bucket…
Mischief & Me 
Who writes this stuff? How about the description of dishes on menus in some chains – ‘A delicate marriage of tarragon and basil’ – or some such tosh. What kind of marriage is that, I wonder? The names of chocolates in a box is another one . . . Is someone paid to write that garbage. And there are us poor struggling authors, barely earning a crust . . . Which reminds me, check out the link if you’re interested in crime fiction: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cut-Short-DI-Geraldine-Steel/dp/1842432710